Traditions & Etiquette

Roots are an important part of who you are; never lose sight of them.

Be true to your heritage.

Below you will find a list of wedding traditions practiced by different countries. Look up your own heritage or that of your spouse-to-be.

See how it was done way back when and if you like, integrate some of the practices in your own upcoming wedding!

Africa: In Africa, smooth cowrie shells, which encourage fertility, are worn in bridal necklaces used to trim gowns, jackets, and headpieces in silver and white- as decorative accents. Cowrie shells, found of the coast of West Africa, were once used as money and today are used for purification. The shell is also a symbol of beauty and power.

In the times of slavery in this country, African American couples were not allowed to formally marry and live together. To make a public declaration of their love and commitment, a man and woman jumped over a broom into matrimony, to the beat of drums. (The broom has long held significant meaning for the various Africans, symbolizing the start of homemaking for the newlywed couple. In Southern Africa, the day after the wedding, a kgatla bird assisted the other women in the family in sweeping the courtyard, indicating her dutiful willingness to help her in-laws with housework till the newlyweds could move to their new home.) Some African-American couples today are choosing to include this symbolic rite in their wedding ceremony, directly before the recession.

Cuba: Cuban wedding receptions are famous for their festivities. There is almost always lively music and dancing at a Cuban marriage celebration. Wedding guests partake in the traditional money dance, where each man who dances with the new bride must pin money to her dress, to help the newlyweds with their honeymoon expenses. Along with receiving their wedding presents, it is customary for the Cuban bride and groom to give each guest a favor, to remind them of the joyous occasion.

Czech Republic: In the Czech Republic friends sneak into the bride's yard to plant a tree and decorate it with ribbons and painted eggshells. Legend says the bride will live as long as the tree. Also, brides in the countryside carry on the very old custom of wearing a rosemary wreath, which symbolizes remembrance. Her friends as a wish for wisdom, love and loyalty weave the wreath for the bride on the night before her wedding.

Egypt: In Egypt families, rather than grooms propose to the bride and many marriages are arranged. Also in Egypt, the zaffa, or wedding march, is a musical procession of drums, bagpipes, horns, belly dancers and men carrying flaming swords; it's a bright, colorful and musical way to announce the marriage is about to begin. I think that's a custom we should start in the states!

Germany: During the ceremony, when the couple kneel, the groom may kneel on the bride's hem to show that he'll keep her in line. Then, the bride may step on his foot as she rises to reassert herself.

Greece: The koumbaros, traditionally the groom's godfather, is an honored guest who participates in the wedding ceremony. Today, the koumbaros is very often the best man, who assists in the crowning of the couple (with white or gold crowns, or with crowns made of everlasting flowers such as orange blossoms, or of twigs of love and vine wrapped in silver and gold paper), and in the circling of the alter three times. Other attendants may read Scripture, hold candles, pack the crowns in a special box after the ceremony. To be sure of a "sweet life", a Greek bride may carry a lump of sugar in her glove on wedding day.

India: Think it is only the bride-to-be that gets a pre-wedding beauty regimen? Well grooms, facials aren't just for the brides anymore. In Indian tradition, the groom gets a makeover, too. After a hair trim, the groom's family and close male friends rub turmeric paste on his face and chest. Turmeric, a member of the ginger family, is used in East India as a dye, an aromatic stimulant, and a flavoring for food. It leaves the skin with a golden glow and is supposed to bring good luck and ward off bad spirits.

Ireland: Most of us are aware of the rule that the groom should not see the bride in her wedding gown before the big day. But in Ireland, the bride can’t see herself in it either. By seeing her entire reflection while in full regalia it is believed that part of her will stay in her old life. If either breaks the rules, the wedding is delayed for a year.

The traditional wedding ring of the Irish since the 17th Century, the Royal Claddagh ring is today worn by people all over the world as a universal symbol of love, loyalty, friendship and fidelity, and of their Irish heritage. For love, we wear the heart. In friendship, we wear the hands. And, in loyalty and lasting fidelity: we wear the Royal Claddagh crown.

Italy: Italian folklore called for the groom to carry a piece of iron in his pocket on his wedding day to ward off the evil eye. The bride, of course, would wear a bridal veil to conceal her from evil spirits. In present day, the couple shatters a glass or vase at the end of the ceremony and the number of pieces represents the number of years of happy marriage. Many couples also release white doves to symbolize their love and happiness.

Japan: A customary Japanese wedding is held in a Shinto shrine which, more often than not, are now included in the banquet hall where the wedding reception takes place. The Japanese bride wears a white kimono and an elaborate headpiece. The bride's head is adorned with various ornaments which invites good luck to smile down upon the happy couple. The bride is painted pure white from head to toe which signifies her maiden status to the Gods. The groom dons a traditional black kimono during the wedding ceremony. The ceremony consists primarily of the bride and groom drinking rice wine also known as sake. The drinking of sake symbolizes the bond of marriage and the unity between the two individuals. After the sake is poured in three stages, the bride and groom drink from their individual cup. The process is repeated two more times progressing with larger-size cups. The number three is significant in Japan. Therefore, three (stages to pour the sake) times three (number of times the bride and groom drink from their cup) times three (the number total cups) equals nine — the English translation of this ritual called "San-San-Kudo." At the conclusion of this elaborate ritual, the couple is considered married.

Korea: The Korean mother of the groom tosses dates and chestnuts to her new daughter-in-law. The number the bride catches indicates how many children she'll have. Ducks are included in the wedding procession because ducks mate for life. The groom used to travel to the bride's house on a white pony, bearing fidelity symbols — a gray goose and gander (fowl that mate for life).

Mexico: During a Mexican wedding ceremony, a lazo, or large rosary, is draped around the bride and groom while they are kneeling at the altar. Padrinos, two special relatives the couple has chosen as additional "sponsors" of their wedding (in addition to their parents of course) may also present them with coins (for prosperity), a Bible and a rosary during the ceremony. After the ceremony, lucky red beads are sometimes tossed at newlyweds. And a beautiful reception tradition has all the guests during the couple's first or last dance create a heart shaped circle around them.

Philippines: At a certain point during the ceremony, a ceremonial veil is placed over the groom's shoulders and the bride's head. This symbolizes the unity of the two families into one and is also a prayer for health and protection for the couple during their married life.

Poland: The Bonneting of the Bride
After the wedding ceremony, the married women and the bride enter a room reserved for the custom called "oczepiny". The women cover the bride's hair with a white cloth tied into the bonnet. While they are performing this ritual, they sing traditional songs about the newly wedded wife's entrance into married life and saying goodbye to her maidenhood. As a single maiden, her hair was uncovered. Now as a symbol of marriage, she will always wear the "czepiec" or bonnet.

Puerto Rico: In Puerto Rico, a bridal doll, in a dress that replicates the bridal gown, is placed on the head table at the reception. The doll is used because of little mementos called "capias" that are attached to the doll. During the reception, the bride and groom will walk to each person and thank him or her for their presence at the nuptials and for their well wishes. Each person is then pinned with a "capia" or memento from the doll.

Scotland: Usually about a week before the nuptials, the bride's mother may hold a show of presents for her daughter where all wedding presents that have been received are shown unwrapped and assembled. The gifts are set out with the card of the gift giver. Invitations are to an open house, and this gives the bride and bridal party a chance to get acquainted with the guests before the wedding. After the show of presents, the bride is dressed and garnished in over-the-top costumes, and she may be given things like a baby doll to carry in her arms. Now dressed up, the bride is taken out by her friends around town. The women make plenty of noise by singing and banging pots and pans to herald the bride's status.

Switzerland: In Switzerland, a couple has both a civil and a religious ceremony. After, they wed a bridesmaid leads the line of guests to the reception and hands out colored handkerchiefs to each guest for good luck. A guest accepting the handkerchief gives a coin in return toward the bridal couple's nest egg.

Ukraine: In the Ukraine a mock capture of the bride is carried out at wedding receptions to remind everyone present of the many times their homeland was invaded. And instead of cake, Ukrainian couples share korovai, a sacred wedding bread decorated with symbolic motifs that represent eternity and the joining together of two families.

Yemen: In Yemen the bride's FEMALE relatives prepare all the food, including small-sweetened fritters, which promise a sweet life for the newlyweds and all who partake. The entire community is invited to join the celebration. Playing music to "gladden the bride and groom" is a sacred duty, so not only do professional musicians play, but performers and guests take turns with the instruments as well!

Wedding Etiquette & Tips

Planning a wedding can be a very overwhelming job. Over the next few months you are going to have a lot of questions, so we decided to try to help a little.

This section of our web site includes wedding etiquette, helpful tips, and ideas.

Flowers

• The Bridal bouquet should compliment the bridal gown.
• The Bridesmaids bouquets should coordinate with the dresses worn by the bridesmaids.
• The groom traditionally pays for the bridal bouquet, all the boutonnieres (except his own), the corsages and the rehearsal dinner flowers.
• The Bride’s bouquet is traditionally made of white flowers such as stephanotis, orchids, roses, lilies of the valley, gardenias, carnations, or sweet peas. Included are fillers like baby’s breath, ferns or ivy for greenery.
• The traditional bouquet should be carried low so as not to hide the details of your dress.
• The groom’s boutonniere should be different from the groomsmen’s.
• You should arrange to have a toss away bouquet made for the bouquet tossing and make arrangements to have your bouquet preserved.
• The meaning of flowers:
   

  Rose - Love
  White Daisy - Purity
  Gardenia - Joy
  Orchard - Beauty
  Carnation - Distinction
  Blue Violet - Constancy
  Forget Me Not - True Love
  Red Chrysanthemum - Sharing
  Lily of the Valley - Happiness
  White Lilac - Youthful Innocence

Announcements

• The announcement should be consistent with the style of the invitations.
• Announcements are mailed the day of or the day after the wedding.
• Announcements are sent to family and friends who are not invited to the wedding (most likely individuals who are from out of town and would not have been able to attend), but you would like to inform them of the wedding.
• There is no gift obligation when an announcement is sent.

  Engagement

• You can select a ring together if you are comfortable discussing your budget and guidelines. Another idea is to go shopping together and just look at styles in general and diamond cuts, just to give him some ideas.
• Your parents should be told first. It is up to you whether you share the news together or tell your own parents privately. After you have told your parents, you can then tell other family members and friends.
• As soon as the groom has told his parents, his mother should telephone the bride’s mother. If possible, a visit should be arranged.
• The ideal length of engagement is between nine months and one year, unless there are specific reasons for a shorter one.
• Typically the brides family should give the engagement party. Although it is more common now for close friends or members of the bridal party to give the engagement party.
• Guests are not expected or required to bring gifts. Any gifts received at the engagement party should be opened later, not in front of all guests.
• If you open the gift in front of the giver and have the opportunity to thank them in person, then a thank you note is not required (although still a nice idea). If you do not have the opportunity to thank them in person, then you should promptly send a written thank you note.

  Ceremony

• The ceremony is the most important part of the wedding and should be the first thing that you decide on and book.
• You must apply for your license at least 72 hours before your wedding and you should give it to the officiator at the rehearsal.
• When booking your ceremony location you should inquire about the following potential fees: member vs. non-member site fee, organist/pianist, isle runner, candelabras, officiator’s fee, clean-up fee, security deposit, and chair rental.
• Other things to ask: do they allow decorations, are there special floral requirements, are there restrictions for photographers, can the flower girl drop petals, do they provide the wedding program, are there any special parking instructions, and do they provide a coordinator for the day of the wedding.
• You should consider hiring your own wedding consultant. This software will help you organize all of the details and information for your wedding, but it won’t be able to help you coordinate everything on your wedding day. A wedding consultant can save you a lot of time evaluating vendors, can provide you with ideas of how to plan your wedding within your budget, will help you and everyone stay organized and on schedule on your wedding day.

Who pays?

Bride: wedding ring for the groom, wedding gift for the groom, presents for attendants, personal stationery, accommodations for out-of town bridal attendants

Groom: Bride’s rings, wedding gift for the bride, marriage license, gifts for attendants, flowers (bridal bouquet, boutonnieres, corsages and rehearsal dinner), accommodations for out-of-town attendants, clergy fees and honeymoon.

Bride’s Family: ceremony, reception, invitations, bride’s wedding attire, photography, videography, flowers, gratuities, transportation for bridal party and bridesmaids' luncheon.

Groom’s Family: rehearsal dinner

  Wedding Party

• The number of attendants selected should reflect the size and style of your wedding.
• Attendants should be family members or close friends.
• It is considerate to ask your partners' siblings to be in the wedding, but you are not obligated.
• Be sure to tell your attendants what you expect from them.
• Junior Bridesmaids range in age from ten years to fourteen years. They should dress similarly to the bridesmaids.
• A flower girl is typically between the ages of four and ten. She should wear a shorter-length dress that is similar in style and color to the bridesmaids'.
• The ring bearer is between the ages of four and ten. He wears a suit or tuxedo similar to those worn by the groomsmen. The ring bearer carries a satin lace pillow with the couple’s rings sewn or tied on (does not have to be the actual rings).

  Events and Parties

• Family, friends, bridal attendants, or co-workers can give you a shower. Members of the immediate family, however, should not give you a shower. Showers are usually given a month or two before the wedding.
• Shower themes are very popular today. A theme can be around the types of gifts to be given such as lingerie, kitchen, bar, bathroom, or recreation.
• The bridesmaids' luncheon can be given by the bridesmaids' for the bride, or the bride can give one to the bridesmaids. It is usually held the weekend of the wedding.
• The rehearsal dinner is usually held the night before the wedding. It is attended by the bride, groom, all members of the wedding party (and their spouses or dates) and the parents of the bride and groom. The rehearsal dinner is usually planned and paid for by the groom’s parents. Some couples also invite all out of town guests and the clergyman.

You should order your dress four to six months prior to your wedding. 90% of all gowns will need some altering, so you need to make sure that you have time for alterations. Also if you want to have a bridal portrait taken (which is usually taken six weeks before the wedding), then you will want to have your dress ready.

Things to consider when ordering tuxedos: time of ceremony, season, formality of wedding, and the style of the bride’s dress.

The bridal portrait should be taken approximately six weeks before your wedding.

Your black and white photo for the newspaper needs to be delivered to the paper about two weeks before your wedding.

Baker

• A baker should be selected as least four months in advance.
• You can top your cake with a bride and groom figurine, fresh flowers, sugar wedding bells, or a glass top.
• Don’t forget to save the top layer and put it in your freezer for your one year anniversary.

Florist

• You should visit several florist and look at pictures of their past weddings.
• Final arrangements for a florist should be made at least three to six months before your wedding.
• Be sure to have your flowers arrive on your wedding day before the photographer.
• If you plan to preserve your flowers, you need to make arrangements to have the flowers to the preserver within one or two days of your wedding.

Invitation Wording

• Write out the date - the fifteenth of June
• Write out the year - Nineteen hundred and ninety eight or One thousand nine hundred and ninety eight, with or without the first letters being capitalized
• Times other than on the hour should be worded as "at half after five o'clock", "at quarter after five o'clock" or "at three quarters after five o'clock". Six o'clock or later is "in the evening" and a noon wedding is "at twelve o'clock"
• The words "honour" and "favour" should be spelled with a "u"
• If the wedding ceremony is to take place in a house of worship, the request line should read "the honour of your presence". If the ceremony will take place some other place (home, club, gardens), you should use "the pleasure of your company".
• Initials or nicknames should not be used; write out the names completely or omit them (e.g., John H. Doe should either be John Henry Doe or John Doe). The most formal uses of junior or senior on invitations is to spell them out with a lower case first letter. A comma always precedes junior and senior, but a comma does not precede II, III or IV. The title Ms. should not be used on a formal invitation.
• When the ceremony and reception are held in the same city, the city does not need to be repeated on the reception card
• If an abbreviated response request is to be used, use R.s.v.p. or R.S.V.P.
• To assemble your invitations, Fold the invitation with the lettering on the outside. Place the tissue on top. Place the reception card face up on the tissue with its lettering parallel to that of the invitation. Slide the response card under the flap of the response envelope with the lettering facing the back of the flap. Place the response envelope face down on the reception card. The invitation and any enclosures are then inserted into the inner envelope with the fold of the invitation at the bottom of the envelope.
• The unsealed inner envelope is inserted into the outer envelope so that handwritten guests' names are visible when the outer envelope is opened.

Marriage License

• Requirements to obtain a marriage license vary from state to state. It is important to call ahead of time and make sure that you apply with the proper documents.
• The law usually requires you to wait one to three days after you receive your marriage license before you can get married. The license is typically only good for 60 days, so you are better off getting your license the week or two before the wedding.
• The marriage license is usually issued the same day you apply for it, but there are restrictions on when and where it can be used.
• Identification of some kind is usually required: driver’s license, birth certificate, military identification. If you were born outside of the US, you may be required to provide additional information.
• If you were married before, you should know the date and place of your divorce or annulment.
• Both the bride and groom must go to the marriage bureau or clerk’s office in person.
• Some states may require a blood test or health certificate.
• The Ultimate Internet Wedding Guide has information available for all 50 states:

http://www.ultimatewedding.com/legal.htm

Tips, part of a wedding budget that are almost always overlooked, can add quite a bit to your wedding expense if not taken into consideration.

Florist, Photographer, Baker, Musicians, Limousine Driver: 15% - Add to bill payment or pay right after reception

Officiants: Flat fee or donation - Best man pays it for Groom

Ceremony Assistants: Donation or fee as designated by church - Either rehearsal or after the ceremony

Caterer, hotel/club banquet manager, bridal consultant: 15-20% - Usually added or paid with bill.

Waiters/waitresses, bartenders: 15-20% - Usually included on bill or paid right after reception

Powder room, coat attendants: $.50 per guest or flat fee as arranged - Pay right after reception

A. Bridal Co.
                     Did You Say Wedding?

Tel: 570.561.2590 or 570.575.8504  *   Email:  christina@diblaseconsulting.com